A Night On Buddy’s Bench
An Evocative Story about Love, Grief and
Finding Peace at the End of Life
A Night on Buddy’s Bench was written as a way through grief and loss after our family experienced multiple unexpected deaths of loved ones, young and old. In the five years since its publication, the book has traveled around the world to places as diverse as New York, Sweden, and a Tibetan monastery. While grief is intensely personal, holding and honoring our feelings of both loss and the preciousness of life is a universal spiritual calling – one that many of us are now confronting as we lose loved ones, colleagues, and friends to Covid-19.
However painful, grief can also be a gift. When we face the experience of grief, when we allow ourselves to wrestle with it, when we allow it to flow through us, grief can release us into the rhythms of life where strength and courage can be found. We hope reading, listening to, and sharing A Night on Buddy’s Bench helps you and your loved ones reflect upon and honor the end of life and the transition to death as a sacred place and time.
We offer a free audio version of the book.
Second Edition Now Available
With Updated Preface and Introduction
The first edition of A Night on Buddy’s Bench was written as a way through grief and loss after our family experienced multiple unexpected deaths of loved ones, young and old. In the years since its publication, the story has traveled around the world: A Hospice Bereavement Counselor brought a copy to share at the Meni Monastery in Tibet, where she volunteered to help student monks grieve and honor their late teacher. A family visiting an assisted living home in New York played the audio version as a meditation as their loved one was slipping away in the bed before them. A daughter traveling home to Sweden took the book to share with her mom as together they grieved and honored her grandmother’s passing.
In this time of Covid-19 and its aftermath, our ability to hold our feelings of both loss and the preciousness of life is a spiritual calling we’re all facing. The gift of grief is a great mystery. When we face it, when we allow ourselves to wrestle with it, when we allow it to flow through us, grief can release us to know the rhythms of life. Strength and courage can be found.
We hope reading, listening to, and sharing A Night on Buddy’s Bench helps you and your loved ones reflect upon and honor the end of life and transition to death as a sacred place and time.
Endorsements & Testimonials
Buddy’s Bench collaborates with National Hospice Foundation
Read our book review on Full Circle, by Circle of Friends for the Dying
“A Night on Buddy’s Bench is an extraordinary resource for helping people grasp the concept that end of life is a sacred time. The thought-provoking story allowed me to reflect on my own losses over the years and my confusion and fear about grief.
As a Hospice volunteer, I will use your book and the accompanying guide with those I tend and with loved ones and friends who find themselves facing death and experiencing grief and loss. Thank you, Ira, for your important work and gift of A Night on Buddy’s Bench.”
– Hospice Volunteer
“The writing is absolutely breathtaking. The symbols used in the book allowed me take a step back and really look into what was being shared about the old man’s life, his peace and his death. I would love the opportunity to share this with our volunteers, and families in order to help them gain a better understanding.”
Betty J Dunsmoor
LMSW, ACSW, PhD
Oswego County Hospice Volunteer / Bereavement Coordinator
Director of Camp Rainbow of Hope
Accompanying Materials
A Pilgrim’s Way through Grief – A Guide to A Night on Buddy’s Bench
A Pilgrim’s Way through Grief is a collaboration with the Hospice Palliative Care Association of New York State. (HPCANYS). The guide explores the end-of-life themes in the story of Buddy’s Bench. The book was written to provide support and comfort for individuals, friends, and family members as they face loss and grief in their lives. The Pilgrim’s Guide is often used as part an introductory training for new Hospice volunteers.
The Journal
This booklet is designed for Pilgrims to record and/or draw about their experiences facing their own or another’s death, wrestling with loss and grief, and making meaning out of holding grief and gratitude together.
“My mom died in December, my dad seemed to be in decline … A Night on Buddy’s Bench led my soul, and inspired me to write.” -Reader
“Very few of us are spared a journey through the wilderness of grief in this life. Your inspired, brave, compassionate guidebook is going to be a comfort to many on their journey. Your efforts are a blessed service to humanity.”
Leonard Perimutter
Founder and Director, American Meditation Institute
Spirit Calling
This 6-minute film introduces the spirit that inhabits Buddy’s Bench – what we might encounter when we are called to face, find meaning, and be transformed through grief and loss.
Story of A Night on Buddy’s Bench
A Night on Buddy’s Bench emerged from our family experience with death. Within a period of a few months, we lost Esther, my highly functional ninety-three-year-old mom; Rose, our adorable three-year-old cousin; and our very vital seventy-eight-year-old Aunt Kay. We were fortunate to be supported by wonderful Hospice caregivers, who helped us begin to let go of fear and learn instead to be present to our loved ones’ end of-life journeys.
Bringing Buddy’s Bench to fruition became a family healing process. My wife, Nadine, became the editor and chief supporter. Her mom, Ann Trombly, agreed to be the illustrator and created the pictures to go with the story. My cousin, playwright and filmmaker Sharon Cooper, produced and directed the audio version of the book, read by actor Anthony Lopez, with an original sound and music score by Nick T. Moore.
About the Author
Ira Baumgarten is a senior trainer for the National Coalition Building Institute who has worked in the Adult Education field for forty years. A trained Hospice volunteer, he now donates his time and books in conducting in service education for Hospice Organizations. Ira has a Master’s Degree in Adult Education and a Certificate in Gerontology from Syracuse University. Ira and his wife, Nadine, are annual visitors to the islands of Maine.
About the Illustrator
Ann Bonville Trombly was a self-taught artist and craft maker. She loved to walk and swim in the ocean. Following the death of her husband of 46 years, Ann completed the Bereavement Certification Program at Maria College. This, coupled with her loss, opened her to a greater understanding of the grief process.
Ann and Ira at the book launch event for A Night on Buddy’s Bench